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Faking it? (Not Referring to Myself)

 19/04/21 I don’t know where else to write this. I can’t tell my friends because someone will tell me to extricate myself from the situation, another friend will advise against it, and others don’t know just how fucking depressed I actually am so they will not buy my story and feelings. I can’t write this on SHP because ima essentially be accusing someone of faking depression and I am not sure that sits well with that crowd. So, someone may or may not be trying to get into my panties. Personally, I don’t think so. Because he gives so many disclaimers: “as friends”, “not a date / asking out”, etc. (Oh by the way if we actually get friendly enough I may give him a name here in this blog. But otherwise basing the name on his initials won’t work because someone else that I have mentioned here, countless times, already has a similar name. So, for now, he is just “he”. Or “the guy”.) Well, when I see those disclaimers, I don’t exactly feel good. After all am I that unattractive that...
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The Curious Case of Queer

29/05/20 I don’t know if I have mentioned it before. Boring life me probably has so little to talk about and thus keeps repeating the same few uninteresting details of my life trying to pass them off as interesting, so probably yeah. That I have been scrolling dating apps even though I don’t swipe anyone or reply to chats. And there’s a phenomenon of 20-something young gay men who seem to enjoy being bottoms, and their whole sex life is based around being a bottom to older men, old enough to be their dad. And they will call these men “Daddy”, and offer to suck these older men’s dicks, calling the act affectionate terms such as “giving milk”. Even during the current lockdown, these horny young dudes and middle aged men are prowling the pages of dating apps to find a match, meet them, and screw them or give oral. They send cryptic messages and meet late at night. These men usually live with their family. The younger men live with their parents and siblings, whereas the older me...
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How the Hell did I allow myself to be dragged by the nose for three years?

06/05/23   23/06/22 Comp-sci. Algo Trading. It wouldn’t be far fetched to say that my desire to do the latter was the reason for my doing the former. A long time ago i got infatuated with the stock market and opened a brokerage account. And a few months later I decided that as long as I can spend every night day trading in the library in my first two years of college, by the time i was a Junior, i will have managed to compound my money enough to buy a decent used car. For reference here are a list of my declared specializations for the past 6 going on 7 semesters, to the best of my memory. My memory is, as always, fuzzy. Y1S1 – AI and Graphics/Games Y1S2 – AI and Graphics/Games Y2S1 – AI and Algo/Theory Y2S2 – Security and Algo/Theory Y3S1 – DB and Security Y3S2 – DB and Networks Y4S1 – SWE and DB (The other three that have never been part of my list are Programming Languages, Multimedia Information Retrieval, and Parallel Computing. But even now i think i...
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