The day 12/02/19: nightmare + bowling
15 Feb 2019
On Monday, (ok its official I already write like Tolstoy, no need to be deliberate with it.) 11th of February, I watched the last episode of BBC Les Misérables. Hell Ensued.
The next morning, I woke up feeling like a fucking murderer.
That night, after reading the “war” scenes in War and Peace, immediately after watching the final episode of BBC Les Misérables, with all the attacks and all, and immediately before sleeping, IS WILD. I dreamed that I killed a bunch of people. Probably Students. Like, TJC has a swimming pool. TJC has a civil war or is in a war. I with my dreamland grandeur of being an ex-vet or some amazing shooter, was enlisted. I was given a rifle thingie and told to fight. No Man’s Land was the length of the pool. Perhaps the pool was a 25 metre, since I recall the “enemy” was very close in that dream. The TJC pool had plunging boards/starting blocks. I was entrenched behind the starting block, periodically rising to aim at the enemy. Miraculously I didn’t die. I shot at least 2-3 people. The people I shot would fall into the pool after the bullet entered them, and die. The physics of this doesn’t make sense. Were they running towards me? Were they standing on the starting block? Also, somehow at least 2 casualties fell into the pool, there was always only one or zero bodies in the pool lane in front of me. Perhaps the bodies were cleared by the enemy side. But somehow, I remember having the impression that this was some kinda game and the teacher referees were cleaning the space to make it easier for me to shot the target. Something like clay or trap shooting except humans used as the targets instead. The dream is very sick. But I know I killed some people. And after the war/game/battle was over (or maybe it wasn’t, I was just switched out for a better shooter, à la real life where I am always being replaced by people.) I cried. I cried because I remember thinking that those “enemy” were students just like me. And here they lay dying. I walked past a PE teacher who was called Tan I think, who was probably a commander in the “war”, and turned my head to hide my flowing tears. But he ignored me anyway. I remember seeing some of the TJ juniors and being sad too.
I posit that the nightmare is a bastard child of my worst fears and my failed experiences in my CCAs in TJC, which was a whole load of bullcrap. And the crying, has something to do with my newfound veganism and hatred towards cruelty and suffering. And it is what Enjolras did and what Rostova did in the two 19th century books when they were fighting.
The next morning, I woke up in the darkness of 6am with a hacking cough and a lot of dread. Why do I dream of killing people? I need sleep. Perhaps Les Misérables and War and Peace are not ideal pieces of classic for before-bed entertainment.
Also, in the evening of that day, I went on a sleep deprived dinner and bowling session with a friend. Which, if it were spontaneous would probably be harmless apart from the effects of my wallet, whereby I burn through an entire day’s pay just in two hours of hedonic enjoyment. But the harm is not insignificant because it is a split off meet, I would call it? As in, there was supposed to be a group of up to or at least four people meeting in a place quite far away. Oh, and by hell these people don’t have names yet! I shall give them names. So, the event was planned by Char. (Fuck my creativity today). Other people who RSVP’d were, Eva (mentioned in a previous post here), and Eve (though my creativity is low today it isn’t a disservice to these two who are practically sisters if I give them similar names right?). Also, I recall talking about her here but I never gave her a name. So basically, a vegetarian and the drunk fishball girl. (On 12/02/19 I also ate at least three fishballs, from a plastic bag no less, which reminded me of that incident.) As well as me. So, me and Eve. We were intimidated by the sheer distance of the location from our residentials. And so, we rejected it. and held a separate near where we lived. Which, perfectly fine. Except that Eve is addicted to social media just like all other gen-z-ers. So, everything is online. And so, I was just thinking about whether Char would be insulted that Eve and I rejected her to go meet somewhere else. But this point is probably moot? Because I don’t know I just feel like Char will understand the limitations of the location?
Finally, this outing also showed me that I may need to reconsider what I view as a normal life. and reconsider my discrimination towards hawker centres. Because, with Eve, though I chose the location, a meal at Swensen’s cost me a whole 15 dollars. Which is fucking crazy. And also, because I am not the “Mom”, I don’t get the credit/debit card rebates. Just think about it, one meal at Swensen’s cost fifteen dollars. Which can last at least three lunches at hawker centres. 5-6 plates of chicken rice. 6 plates of fried carrot cake. 3.3 plates of rip-off vegetarian bee hoon. 3.75 bowls of noodles at least. And yet I spent it all in one night. Maybe it is the effect of working sub-minimum-wage. Earning an unliveable income. Really, it cannot sustain life. Except if I freegan and go dumpster diving. But I may really have to consider the way I spend my money. Well, another thing I find worth mentioning is that I have saved 29 dollars in four weeks just by walking to work rather than taking a public bus which is actually really stress inducing during peak hours, and its actually really good because I get some exercise in and I think it may be helping me lose weight idk.
On Monday, (ok its official I already write like Tolstoy, no need to be deliberate with it.) 11th of February, I watched the last episode of BBC Les Misérables. Hell Ensued.
The next morning, I woke up feeling like a fucking murderer.
That night, after reading the “war” scenes in War and Peace, immediately after watching the final episode of BBC Les Misérables, with all the attacks and all, and immediately before sleeping, IS WILD. I dreamed that I killed a bunch of people. Probably Students. Like, TJC has a swimming pool. TJC has a civil war or is in a war. I with my dreamland grandeur of being an ex-vet or some amazing shooter, was enlisted. I was given a rifle thingie and told to fight. No Man’s Land was the length of the pool. Perhaps the pool was a 25 metre, since I recall the “enemy” was very close in that dream. The TJC pool had plunging boards/starting blocks. I was entrenched behind the starting block, periodically rising to aim at the enemy. Miraculously I didn’t die. I shot at least 2-3 people. The people I shot would fall into the pool after the bullet entered them, and die. The physics of this doesn’t make sense. Were they running towards me? Were they standing on the starting block? Also, somehow at least 2 casualties fell into the pool, there was always only one or zero bodies in the pool lane in front of me. Perhaps the bodies were cleared by the enemy side. But somehow, I remember having the impression that this was some kinda game and the teacher referees were cleaning the space to make it easier for me to shot the target. Something like clay or trap shooting except humans used as the targets instead. The dream is very sick. But I know I killed some people. And after the war/game/battle was over (or maybe it wasn’t, I was just switched out for a better shooter, à la real life where I am always being replaced by people.) I cried. I cried because I remember thinking that those “enemy” were students just like me. And here they lay dying. I walked past a PE teacher who was called Tan I think, who was probably a commander in the “war”, and turned my head to hide my flowing tears. But he ignored me anyway. I remember seeing some of the TJ juniors and being sad too.
I posit that the nightmare is a bastard child of my worst fears and my failed experiences in my CCAs in TJC, which was a whole load of bullcrap. And the crying, has something to do with my newfound veganism and hatred towards cruelty and suffering. And it is what Enjolras did and what Rostova did in the two 19th century books when they were fighting.
The next morning, I woke up in the darkness of 6am with a hacking cough and a lot of dread. Why do I dream of killing people? I need sleep. Perhaps Les Misérables and War and Peace are not ideal pieces of classic for before-bed entertainment.
Also, in the evening of that day, I went on a sleep deprived dinner and bowling session with a friend. Which, if it were spontaneous would probably be harmless apart from the effects of my wallet, whereby I burn through an entire day’s pay just in two hours of hedonic enjoyment. But the harm is not insignificant because it is a split off meet, I would call it? As in, there was supposed to be a group of up to or at least four people meeting in a place quite far away. Oh, and by hell these people don’t have names yet! I shall give them names. So, the event was planned by Char. (Fuck my creativity today). Other people who RSVP’d were, Eva (mentioned in a previous post here), and Eve (though my creativity is low today it isn’t a disservice to these two who are practically sisters if I give them similar names right?). Also, I recall talking about her here but I never gave her a name. So basically, a vegetarian and the drunk fishball girl. (On 12/02/19 I also ate at least three fishballs, from a plastic bag no less, which reminded me of that incident.) As well as me. So, me and Eve. We were intimidated by the sheer distance of the location from our residentials. And so, we rejected it. and held a separate near where we lived. Which, perfectly fine. Except that Eve is addicted to social media just like all other gen-z-ers. So, everything is online. And so, I was just thinking about whether Char would be insulted that Eve and I rejected her to go meet somewhere else. But this point is probably moot? Because I don’t know I just feel like Char will understand the limitations of the location?
Finally, this outing also showed me that I may need to reconsider what I view as a normal life. and reconsider my discrimination towards hawker centres. Because, with Eve, though I chose the location, a meal at Swensen’s cost me a whole 15 dollars. Which is fucking crazy. And also, because I am not the “Mom”, I don’t get the credit/debit card rebates. Just think about it, one meal at Swensen’s cost fifteen dollars. Which can last at least three lunches at hawker centres. 5-6 plates of chicken rice. 6 plates of fried carrot cake. 3.3 plates of rip-off vegetarian bee hoon. 3.75 bowls of noodles at least. And yet I spent it all in one night. Maybe it is the effect of working sub-minimum-wage. Earning an unliveable income. Really, it cannot sustain life. Except if I freegan and go dumpster diving. But I may really have to consider the way I spend my money. Well, another thing I find worth mentioning is that I have saved 29 dollars in four weeks just by walking to work rather than taking a public bus which is actually really stress inducing during peak hours, and its actually really good because I get some exercise in and I think it may be helping me lose weight idk.
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