Stem in STEM – two branches.

 13/09/24

 

Pardon the racial subtelties that I am definitely missing.

I am not a woman in STEM, and that makes me feel guilty. The reason that I am not a woman in STEM, stems from the way in which I am “not like the other girls”, that is, I am not a girl. Realising that I am not a woman in STEM makes me feel like I have taken away one precious sister in STEM, and turned them to the dark side. Though they were never a sister.

FTMs? AFAB NBs? Why can’t y’all just be good butches? Do you see what womens activists have sacrificed just to get us to this point? And you’re gonna throw it all away? Declare that you are not a woman? The fact that this tra**y is in STEM / tech just adds another layer of insult. See how hard women have fought people like you to be recognised in STEM? And now that you have a job in STEM, do you abandon your sisters? And do you still get to benefit from opportunities which were meant for women in STEM, when you’re not even a woman?

But anyone’s who’s reasonable will defend the non-woman-in-STEM, though. There are two arguments I’ve come across:

  • Being a FTM / NB person in STEM is totally in line with the aims of the “women in STEM” movement. That is, to bring more diversity to traditionally male dominated STEM fields. And now that there are women in STEM, albeit not enough, being a queer in STEM adds so much more diversity.
  • Women’s activism should not mourn an ex-sister that has chosen to no longer be a sister, because an FTM or NB person’s choice to not be a woman, and to change their body in ways that distance themselves from womanhood, is simply an exercise of the rights of a female-bodied person’s right to self determination, something that womens activism should be all on board for.

And there are other non-existential considerations for being, or not being, a woman in STEM. Though perhaps they are existentiell, because they affect whether or not I cease to be, as I am, by becoming destitute…and the like. [Existentiell, and not existential. This is not a fluke of spelling, and im not making up a new word. And I think I got the difference right too…idk.] Being visibly queer, in a conservative field, is abit risky.

That day I went for the interview…I wore a women’s blouse, instead of a shirt. Well, I mean, I would have wanted to buy a shirt, for I had no decently formal shirts of the right size of my own. But my mom was trying to steer me towards buying a blouse / shirt from the womens section, and I didn’t really want to buy something that I was only gonna wear once because it would be sure to make me feel dysphoric. (Why did I need my mom to go shopping with me? Idk.) So I decided to give up on buying a new shirt and just dug out the only presentable formal blouse I had in my closet. I guess…I would have wanted to wear a blouse that day. Even if I had found a suitable formal shirt in the mens section. Because, who the hell am I fooling, pre-T and pre-everything, pre-social-transition even. And also being unwilling to part with my long hair (really a mullet). Wearing a men’s shirt and trousers would only make me look visibly queer, rather than passing as a dude. And that might jeopardise my employment chances…

And more than just losing my job or not being able to get a job, being too visibly queer also puts me a risk of being disowned and subsequently homeless. Sigh.

For now, this queer in STEM crosses their fingers, that they do not get fired. A stem in STEM, they like the sound of that phrase.

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