bound to a desk

31 Mar 2019

now, now, this post is nine weeks overdue. by now, my work contract has already ended. i wrote this i think as a reflection to my first week of work and had intended to finish up with the posting of this post and post regular, aka weekly, updates of my job. my first job. albeit a really illegitimate one. hyper low paying, and grueling hours, for peanuts. sub min wage. sub poverty line. kinda pay. but it was a legit environment. 
since this post is long overdue, my current thoughts and reflections are actually in the next post that i will begin to write now and perhaps publish sometime soon. i am likely to name it "wrecked by werk"

Now that I am bound to a desk for the good part of a day, 9 am to 6 pm, and including commute would make 10 hours, and including time to prepare and time to wash off after, this means that I am dedicating almost 12 hours, which is half of my day to a job. In exchange for barely nine hundred dollars a month after taxes. And for the next three months, half my life will be gone. Add in the either hours of sleep necessary to function, and I’ll have only FOUR hours a day left for myself. Which is a far cry from the entire day I once had, where I could laze around the whole day and go to bed just as the sun begins to rise. Sure, as a NEET living in my parent’s basement (JK, who in Singapore actually has a house with a basement? Definitely not my parents, and if they did, I wouldn’t need to work and wouldn’t feel ashamed when I didn’t try looking for work.) I can definitely afford to spend most of my time slaving away for what would be considered to be below minimum wage, if Singapore actually bothered to have one. And what can beat a job that allows you to be in an air conditioned room the whole day, sit down for the most part, and have a location that is within your constituency, meaning that if I am not lazy I can walk to work, with a significant third of the walk passing through a green park, as green as Singapore’s parks can get when there are no smokers around. And this walk saves me eight dollars and thirty cents a week, which if I think back, is actually a little bit less than amount that I spent on food for this week. (2.5 + 3.8 + 2.6) And being able to walk to work is really a good thing, because travelling in public transport during peak hours actually gives me quite severe panic attacks. As for walking, as long as I keep to the traffic lights on major roads, my anxiety is minimal. The traveling time isn’t much different even compared to travelling from the CBD such as Bugis, when I have consulted Google Maps. But the psychological benefits are enormous.
I am listening to the Love Never Dies soundtrack and I am very happy that Meg is one of the five main characters this time. The two directors were fucking annoying. It sounds too similar to Phantom of the Opera. I still don’t like the vicomte, or whatever that is. And I just love how I can identify the characters just based on their voices. Like I know which is Erik and which is Raoul even just hearing the cast recording. And I can actually differentiate Madame Giry and Meg and Christine, like their voices are so different. Like all the themes of LND is the same as PotO.
It may seem strange that I yearn for those years where I too was trapped to an institution. From an average of 8 am in the morning to an average of 4 pm. And having to wake up at 6.30 am for early morning sluggishness and travel, and only returning at about 5 pm because of travel. And then having to do homework which is supposed to take only one or two hours a day, but I can manage that if I decide to not care already. And having no guaranteed end to the torture, because I could get retained if I don’t do well enough. And have to stay there another year.
But school was still less torturous. For one, getting student concession bus prices is awesome. And also, I get to sleep in school. Like, there were many breaks where I could sleep legally. And also, during lectures where I can just close my eyes and have the lecturer drone on and on, and not usually get caught. And even during classroom lessons, or tutorials, where I can even rest my head on the desk and usually get away with it if I pretend to hold on to a pen or resurface once every few minutes. I don’t actually think Temasek JC school rules are that lax? Maybe it’s just me, because I manage to get above average results that the teachers can ignore my lack of attention in class. Or maybe its just my class, and all the fucking idiots that scream random bullshit in class, that the teachers would rather have a sleeping student than a screaming student that they just ignore me. Whereas if I sleep at work I have to question if I will get excommunicated. I can’t even sleep during lunch.

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