I Strongly Urge You to Deal with the Fucking Consequences of Your Fertility
27 Dec 2018
So this morning I went to bed at 5 (?) am, and was brutally awakened at 11 am by screaming outside my bed room. 'Cos my brother, at 5 years old currently, wants to play with toys but no one wants to play with him. Or rather everyone is too busy to afford the time. It has been going on for quite some time. And by that I dont mean today. But years. His other siblings are aged 12 and 15 currently, and apparently in Singapore, studying for exams are important and so that's what they are supposed to do. Since years ago, everyone has been busy studying and has had no time to play with him. Any little time they, or we, spend with my brother is as described. Little.
Singaporeans. Chinese. Asians. Can be quite stupid. Especially the men. And many women too, because in "Confucian" Singapore, the patriarchy rules.
So...Confucianism. I have nothing against a wise old sage who lived over 25 hundred years ago. But the modern day Chinese and other East Asians who follow Confucianism beyond what is practical in the modern world, they really bite my dog. They irk me. I think they are stupid. Apart from destroying the Earth and everyone's health though their traditional rituals of burning incense and joss paper to release polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons, they also favor male children over female ones.
So it is 2012. Haven't the impacts of China's One-Child Policy already been apparent? The drastic gender gap. Which cannot be attributed to the One-Child Policy as much as it can be attributed to everyone's greed and desire for male descendants. So, yeah. My parents are blessed to be born in Singapore rather than China. Here, they can flex their reproductive genius as much as they want. Also because they were not of physical and legal reproductive age during the years of 1972 to 1987. And in 2000 they birthed their first child.
Well, ok...its a girl. Yay! Hmm we can try for the next one to be a boy....and whups! Its another girl in 2003! Oh-kayyy...so...(my father always held this belief as he fucked)...the next one will be a boy! Surely! And the in the spring of 2006 they decided to try really hard again. Mummy was thirty-something. And....drumroll please...ITS ANOTHER GIRL! Here Mummy kinda gives up. She doesn't really care about the genders I think? But the Gramps and Grans have always wanted more people to their name...and Daddy too.
In 2012 I took my first National Exam. The PSLE. In early October. I guess Mummy and Daddy were quite happy and relaxed when it ended, so they went without a condom for the next few weeks. And whatever can happen will happen. They conceived. In summer of 2013, they finally had a baby boy. Mummy was more than 39 years then.
The sister born in 2003 had the immediate responsibility of being Chief Assistant Carer. What with her inclination to kids and her girlishness. I believe we had some years of peace, with my brother having all the attention because our academic lives would permit it. But by now the Gramps and Grans are kinda aged. But still out and about!
But soon enough 2003 girl had to face the reality of PSLE and secondary school and began having less time to care for 2013 boy. She wasn't really an independent student as I was, she was rather neurotic when it came to studying. So it meant Mummy had to devote lots of time to helping with her schoolwork even in secondary school. Then 2006 girl also had to prepare for PSLE. And you can see, its a never ending cycle of busyness. And 2013 boy didn't have much time where we could play with him. And at the age of 13, suddenly having a new little brother was quite a traumatic experience for me. I couldn't really come to terms with it.
2013 boy had a kind of weaker constitution. I would attribute this to the genetic consequence of having children late-r in life. But I really wouldn't know. He was sick more often than anyone would like to be. And being sick is overall quite scary. I may also attribute this bodily imbalance to over-exposure to large amounts of toxins at a young age. Such as incense smoke. Which while "spiritual" isn't really healthy.
Also, his disposition leaves much to be desired. Very naughty is an understatement. He would frequently throw stuff and hit people. And cry loudly for long periods of time and demand that things be acquiesced to him instantly. "Right Now!" He would scream. This was more frequent than other children, is what my parents have said.
To 2013 boy's misbehavior, Daddy consults the gods and deities. Through the help of spirit mediums, the gods and deities, too numerous for me to keep track of (We, as typical Singaporeans, are religiously confused. Part Buddhist and part Taoist. And yes, such is in existence.), tells Daddy that this misbehavior is of spiritual significance and can be contained by not letting 2013 boy wear the color red. And Daddy listens. He has to. He is in belief of religion.
I don't know if I've said this before, but I am an (non-practicing) Atheist motivated by environmental reasons in the context of Singapore. A mouthful, but it just means that I am not yet financially secure to be able to profess my Atheism, hence I continue to practice religion, even contributing to global warming. I really wish to stop destroying the earth, but I really don't want to risk my livelihood. But once I grow up, oh once I grow up. :)
But dudes and ladies. Face up to the truth. Realize your missed-steaks. My brother is not hot-tempered because of some religious mumbo-jumbo. It is because he wants the attention he unfortunately never got to enjoy. It is because y'all, busy with all that earning money thing, and that teaching my sisters how to do their schoolwork thing, have no time to "entertain" him.
My brother has had speech problems, hearing issues, pneumonia, seizures (and with the mind-altering capabilities of intense electrical activity in the brain, this may also explain his temper-tantrums), and now acute arthritis which seems more and more chronic as the days pass.
So y'all wanted to have a male descendant. But now you are pushing the responsibility of care because you are forty-plus, calcium deficient (too many births deplete Calcium reserves), and exhausted all the time. How pathetic. Why did y'all even think that having four children was a good idea?
Mummy, wouldn't it have been great is you actually went back to work in 2013 as you have planned? You even went for the interview! We would have dual-income. We would have less responsibilities. Heck, we may get to travel more...because why not? What's stopping us, if not the idea that very little children cannot travel with significant safety. And so we hardly travel. I have hardly traveled.
And a consequence of this, is that y'all think that I can't travel alone (eh not really alone? with three other people of my age. People my age would call them "friends") even though I am legal, because supposedly I do not have enough experience being overseas. Do y'all remember when we vacationed in Hong Kong in 2016. And y'all keep repeating how I was good with maps and directions, and my memory is vague as always, but y'all always say how I can choose the correct path to go, its amazing? But still "not enough experience" huh? And why is that so? It is not my intention to be inexperienced with traveling. I want to be experienced. But oh the irony. If I were experienced in traveling, my heart's desires would not be intense as such. I may not even want to travel with friends. But if only, if only. But reality is that I lave few experiences traveling. And as a result I am not allowed to go on trips with friends. But wherein has my hand been? Have I ever had a say in all this? No.
In my mind I never really had a childhood. Or it wasn't memorable. Because I cannot remember a thing, apart from some nightmare-ish memories of wetting myself in preschool daycare after being bullied by a boorish teacher at nap-time. Yet y'all blame me for my predicament. I never really had a childhood, never got to experience the evolution of childhood, because I have always been trapped doing the same things as younger siblings. Doing kiddy-stuff, over and over. It is the age-gap issue. Perhaps the problem isn't with the sheer number of siblings I have, but large age-gap that all of us have, especially the thirteen years between me and my brother. Where is my childhood? Why do people give birth when they cannot devote sufficient time to developing the childhood of each?
Bahh. I am kinda sad right now. Like cattle grown for veal, I do not understand what is going on, why I were born.
So this morning I went to bed at 5 (?) am, and was brutally awakened at 11 am by screaming outside my bed room. 'Cos my brother, at 5 years old currently, wants to play with toys but no one wants to play with him. Or rather everyone is too busy to afford the time. It has been going on for quite some time. And by that I dont mean today. But years. His other siblings are aged 12 and 15 currently, and apparently in Singapore, studying for exams are important and so that's what they are supposed to do. Since years ago, everyone has been busy studying and has had no time to play with him. Any little time they, or we, spend with my brother is as described. Little.
Singaporeans. Chinese. Asians. Can be quite stupid. Especially the men. And many women too, because in "Confucian" Singapore, the patriarchy rules.
So...Confucianism. I have nothing against a wise old sage who lived over 25 hundred years ago. But the modern day Chinese and other East Asians who follow Confucianism beyond what is practical in the modern world, they really bite my dog. They irk me. I think they are stupid. Apart from destroying the Earth and everyone's health though their traditional rituals of burning incense and joss paper to release polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons, they also favor male children over female ones.
So it is 2012. Haven't the impacts of China's One-Child Policy already been apparent? The drastic gender gap. Which cannot be attributed to the One-Child Policy as much as it can be attributed to everyone's greed and desire for male descendants. So, yeah. My parents are blessed to be born in Singapore rather than China. Here, they can flex their reproductive genius as much as they want. Also because they were not of physical and legal reproductive age during the years of 1972 to 1987. And in 2000 they birthed their first child.
Well, ok...its a girl. Yay! Hmm we can try for the next one to be a boy....and whups! Its another girl in 2003! Oh-kayyy...so...(my father always held this belief as he fucked)...the next one will be a boy! Surely! And the in the spring of 2006 they decided to try really hard again. Mummy was thirty-something. And....drumroll please...ITS ANOTHER GIRL! Here Mummy kinda gives up. She doesn't really care about the genders I think? But the Gramps and Grans have always wanted more people to their name...and Daddy too.
In 2012 I took my first National Exam. The PSLE. In early October. I guess Mummy and Daddy were quite happy and relaxed when it ended, so they went without a condom for the next few weeks. And whatever can happen will happen. They conceived. In summer of 2013, they finally had a baby boy. Mummy was more than 39 years then.
The sister born in 2003 had the immediate responsibility of being Chief Assistant Carer. What with her inclination to kids and her girlishness. I believe we had some years of peace, with my brother having all the attention because our academic lives would permit it. But by now the Gramps and Grans are kinda aged. But still out and about!
But soon enough 2003 girl had to face the reality of PSLE and secondary school and began having less time to care for 2013 boy. She wasn't really an independent student as I was, she was rather neurotic when it came to studying. So it meant Mummy had to devote lots of time to helping with her schoolwork even in secondary school. Then 2006 girl also had to prepare for PSLE. And you can see, its a never ending cycle of busyness. And 2013 boy didn't have much time where we could play with him. And at the age of 13, suddenly having a new little brother was quite a traumatic experience for me. I couldn't really come to terms with it.
2013 boy had a kind of weaker constitution. I would attribute this to the genetic consequence of having children late-r in life. But I really wouldn't know. He was sick more often than anyone would like to be. And being sick is overall quite scary. I may also attribute this bodily imbalance to over-exposure to large amounts of toxins at a young age. Such as incense smoke. Which while "spiritual" isn't really healthy.
Also, his disposition leaves much to be desired. Very naughty is an understatement. He would frequently throw stuff and hit people. And cry loudly for long periods of time and demand that things be acquiesced to him instantly. "Right Now!" He would scream. This was more frequent than other children, is what my parents have said.
To 2013 boy's misbehavior, Daddy consults the gods and deities. Through the help of spirit mediums, the gods and deities, too numerous for me to keep track of (We, as typical Singaporeans, are religiously confused. Part Buddhist and part Taoist. And yes, such is in existence.), tells Daddy that this misbehavior is of spiritual significance and can be contained by not letting 2013 boy wear the color red. And Daddy listens. He has to. He is in belief of religion.
I don't know if I've said this before, but I am an (non-practicing) Atheist motivated by environmental reasons in the context of Singapore. A mouthful, but it just means that I am not yet financially secure to be able to profess my Atheism, hence I continue to practice religion, even contributing to global warming. I really wish to stop destroying the earth, but I really don't want to risk my livelihood. But once I grow up, oh once I grow up. :)
But dudes and ladies. Face up to the truth. Realize your missed-steaks. My brother is not hot-tempered because of some religious mumbo-jumbo. It is because he wants the attention he unfortunately never got to enjoy. It is because y'all, busy with all that earning money thing, and that teaching my sisters how to do their schoolwork thing, have no time to "entertain" him.
My brother has had speech problems, hearing issues, pneumonia, seizures (and with the mind-altering capabilities of intense electrical activity in the brain, this may also explain his temper-tantrums), and now acute arthritis which seems more and more chronic as the days pass.
So y'all wanted to have a male descendant. But now you are pushing the responsibility of care because you are forty-plus, calcium deficient (too many births deplete Calcium reserves), and exhausted all the time. How pathetic. Why did y'all even think that having four children was a good idea?
Mummy, wouldn't it have been great is you actually went back to work in 2013 as you have planned? You even went for the interview! We would have dual-income. We would have less responsibilities. Heck, we may get to travel more...because why not? What's stopping us, if not the idea that very little children cannot travel with significant safety. And so we hardly travel. I have hardly traveled.
And a consequence of this, is that y'all think that I can't travel alone (eh not really alone? with three other people of my age. People my age would call them "friends") even though I am legal, because supposedly I do not have enough experience being overseas. Do y'all remember when we vacationed in Hong Kong in 2016. And y'all keep repeating how I was good with maps and directions, and my memory is vague as always, but y'all always say how I can choose the correct path to go, its amazing? But still "not enough experience" huh? And why is that so? It is not my intention to be inexperienced with traveling. I want to be experienced. But oh the irony. If I were experienced in traveling, my heart's desires would not be intense as such. I may not even want to travel with friends. But if only, if only. But reality is that I lave few experiences traveling. And as a result I am not allowed to go on trips with friends. But wherein has my hand been? Have I ever had a say in all this? No.
In my mind I never really had a childhood. Or it wasn't memorable. Because I cannot remember a thing, apart from some nightmare-ish memories of wetting myself in preschool daycare after being bullied by a boorish teacher at nap-time. Yet y'all blame me for my predicament. I never really had a childhood, never got to experience the evolution of childhood, because I have always been trapped doing the same things as younger siblings. Doing kiddy-stuff, over and over. It is the age-gap issue. Perhaps the problem isn't with the sheer number of siblings I have, but large age-gap that all of us have, especially the thirteen years between me and my brother. Where is my childhood? Why do people give birth when they cannot devote sufficient time to developing the childhood of each?
Bahh. I am kinda sad right now. Like cattle grown for veal, I do not understand what is going on, why I were born.
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