disillusioningillusion

15/07/19 When I first watched Phantom of the Opera, specifically a proshot recording of the 25 th anniversary version, back in August 2018, I was blown away by the amazing songs and the wonder of all the voice variation ad emotion. I didn’t really understand the exact details of the storyline, that was to say. To the extend of confusing Raoul and Erik in the songs, especially the duets with Christine. But now I find I can identify which parts are Erik singing and which parts are Raoul. Not just cos of the voice registers and the vocal texture of the singers. Because that really depends on which actor is playing Raoul or Erik. I haven’t heard many versions of the musical soundtrack, but usually I think Erik has a lower voice as compared to Raoul. But it is the thematic difference in the lyrics that Erik and Raoul sing that I use to differentiate who is singing which part. Songs include: ·          Think of Me ·     ...

its a list of over 25 reasons. more than 13 reasons why.

12/07/19 I once thought that the hardest part of learning to drive would be the driving test. And indeed, that is difficult, but just because I have passed my driving test doesn’t mean that I stop having nightmares about driving. This nightmare had the premise that some house was on fire from a lift explosion or something and I think I was trying to flee. The nightmares get more nuanced now that I have passed my driving test, I guess. Not that it's a good thing. I remember a long time ago, something like years ago or something, I had a nightmare about me driving a car illegally, hurling down the highway and feeling out of control, because of course I don’t know how to drive. But this time the nightmare is about going around a right turn at a cross junction at a high speed and like I completely go onto the curb. But I don’t think I crashed which is a good thing. I seem to recall that it was the second time that this particular dream sequence of me up curb after going around a...

28/06/19 I don’t know how to phrase this, I seem to lack the vocabulary, but what I want to say is that there are certain things that have already been decided. An outcome of an event that has already been decided even before that event occurs. The decision behind this event lies in statistics. Or simply human nature. Like, it is statistically likely to happen, even though it is still up to probability. And also, that the person who is in power to decide, has already made the decision independently before the event, so it is like the event never happened at all. And yet, if I count on this probability and let my guard down, it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy of failures. In this driving school owned by the SGX listed (literally the only thing that is possibly unique that I know about this company because I fucking stalk their stocks, so I say this to not say the name though it is obvious) taxi company, the driving test passing rate is some 50++%. Which means that out of ev...

24/06/19 The famous quotation “to be or not to be” actually came from Hamlet . Most people wouldn’t wonder, or at least, I never did. Where such famous quotes came from. And of course, many a times, these come from Shakespeare. Inventing so many words does give a certain degree of literary justice and liberty to invent sayings as well. III.1         The ghost appears and disappear. What gives it the right ??? And also, initially I would be surprised that Horatio, the friend of nobility, and hence a high rank, would become a sentry for a night. But it is to talk to ghosts. I don’t know if that makes it better or worse. And the next day Prince Hamlet in the flesh will be appearing for that purpose. Completed Hamlet has a lot of familiar elements which all turn out to be from Hamlet. For example, the tale of a king’s brother killing the king by pouring poison into his ear, in order to usurp the throne. And then this new king freaking out a...

24/06/19 Remember those 2 nightmares I had in succession regarding being late for something? Well it gets worse. The third night was another similar nightmare to the previous night. I dreamt that for one of my driving lessons, I think it was the autocar lesson, I wasn’t treating it seriously, like tardiness and all, and I was scolded quite a bit, I guess. and maybe I underestimated the difficulty of driving an autocar. And then on the fourth night, I dreamt that it was finally the driving test. And I barely passed. But ended up failing because I forgot to give my IC to the tester at the end and broke some rule or something. But the actual real-life procedures are not like that so I don’t know where this dream came from. And ends up failing but luckily, I was quite chill about it. cos normally in my dreams something will happen and I will panic and cry. And shout and people will like ignore me and stuff. So, three days in a row about disasters relating to me learning how to dr...

19/06/19 this is likely drafted sometime in early March or February of 2019 To think that I should forever be haunted by the knowledge that everything I have learnt in 12 years of education is useless and will remain useless. It's a wonder that barely three months has passed since the last exam and I have already forgotten almost everything I learnt. That's probably for the better the earlier I forget the traumatic experience. All that remains is the vague memory of the notes I once wrote, the words that were once so important to us. The fuzzy memories surprise me of the fact that I once remembered all this in such clarity and detail such as to be able to score an A. I was just looking at a bunch of shampoo bottles in a shop. Herbal Essences to be exact, one of those dodgy SLS paraben silicone filled shit. And I was just thinking about how it should better be called Petrol Essences as suggested by a blog post I once read. And I started extrapolating into how with fracking...