Wrecking Ball – Driving (Part 5)

12/07/19

I once thought that the hardest part of learning to drive would be the driving test. And indeed, that is difficult, but just because I have passed my driving test doesn’t mean that I stop having nightmares about driving.
This nightmare had the premise that some house was on fire from a lift explosion or something and I think I was trying to flee. The nightmares get more nuanced now that I have passed my driving test, I guess. Not that it's a good thing. I remember a long time ago, something like years ago or something, I had a nightmare about me driving a car illegally, hurling down the highway and feeling out of control, because of course I don’t know how to drive. But this time the nightmare is about going around a right turn at a cross junction at a high speed and like I completely go onto the curb. But I don’t think I crashed which is a good thing. I seem to recall that it was the second time that this particular dream sequence of me up curb after going around a right bend has occurred. But maybe it again is a figment of my imagination. In my dream it's like I forget that the brake pedal exists. It's like I forget that other people will slow down if I slow down. And so, I keep going faster and faster cos I'm afraid of stalling the car and stalling the traffic. And it's quite traumatizing. Because like in the nightmare everything is so heavy. I can’t turn the wheel and the accelerator is like a wrecking ball. There are no clutches on my dreams at least, that’d be torture.
Also, I haven’t actually driven even once since passing my test. Neither an automatic nor a stickshift. Like, if we have to go anywhere in the family car we are in a rush and my father does not have time to teach me to use it. And then there’s my grandpa’s car which is a stickshift and he has said that I can drive it but I’m not at his house during the “permitted timing”, namely daytime. I also haven’t bought the probation plate. But if this is any indication that I won’t get to drive, then perhaps I won’t even need probation plates once I get to drive.

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