Scream away the Manic

 15/11/21

I might have screamed away the manic the other day. The day of the previous post.

Impulsively I yote. Then realising that I ruined my 144-day streak I screamed. I screamed until I could scream no longer. While crying. And I yote some more because no one would even care.

And now my manic is about over for now, I guess. Back to being depressed. Impulsivity made me yeet and then consumed itself. But I am still just as distractable.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

AY2023/24 Semester 1 Module Ramblings

Image
 11/12/23 Didn’t you say that talking to only a grand total of 1 person for 2 entire years has caused you to develop codependency? But if im gonna develop codependency anyway, why shouldn’t I lean in completely to this fate of mine? Amor fati. And everyone is gone. Everyone is gone. JS is somewhere, with a new name. Shes somewhere near but unreachable. Oh how I’d give just to catch a glimpse of her silhouette, of her backview. Prelude in: How The Semester Started The holy roman empire was neither holy nor roman nor an empire. Starting week 1 with 34 MCs is wild. Like, I know I plan to drop some, and i never intended to do 34 MCs, but its still hella wild and makes for some good screenshots. (what am i even trying to prove…) Why would anyone do this, even if its completely with a plan to drop most / a few of them. And is done with the purposes of tutorial slot optimising, in order to force them to give me an optimal tutorial slot. Like, who hurt you, babygirl? Post Week 4 Re...
Read more

How the Hell did I allow myself to be dragged by the nose for three years?

06/05/23   23/06/22 Comp-sci. Algo Trading. It wouldn’t be far fetched to say that my desire to do the latter was the reason for my doing the former. A long time ago i got infatuated with the stock market and opened a brokerage account. And a few months later I decided that as long as I can spend every night day trading in the library in my first two years of college, by the time i was a Junior, i will have managed to compound my money enough to buy a decent used car. For reference here are a list of my declared specializations for the past 6 going on 7 semesters, to the best of my memory. My memory is, as always, fuzzy. Y1S1 – AI and Graphics/Games Y1S2 – AI and Graphics/Games Y2S1 – AI and Algo/Theory Y2S2 – Security and Algo/Theory Y3S1 – DB and Security Y3S2 – DB and Networks Y4S1 – SWE and DB (The other three that have never been part of my list are Programming Languages, Multimedia Information Retrieval, and Parallel Computing. But even now i think i...
Read more

Stem in STEM – two branches.

 13/09/24   Pardon the racial subtelties that I am definitely missing. I am not a woman in STEM, and that makes me feel guilty. The reason that I am not a woman in STEM, stems from the way in which I am “not like the other girls”, that is, I am not a girl. Realising that I am not a woman in STEM makes me feel like I have taken away one precious sister in STEM, and turned them to the dark side. Though they were never a sister. FTMs? AFAB NBs? Why can’t y’all just be good butches? Do you see what womens activists have sacrificed just to get us to this point? And you’re gonna throw it all away? Declare that you are not a woman? The fact that this tra**y is in STEM / tech just adds another layer of insult. See how hard women have fought people like you to be recognised in STEM? And now that you have a job in STEM, do you abandon your sisters? And do you still get to benefit from opportunities which were meant for women in STEM, when you’re not even a woman? But anyone’s ...
Read more