disillusioningillusion

28/06/19 I don’t know how to phrase this, I seem to lack the vocabulary, but what I want to say is that there are certain things that have already been decided. An outcome of an event that has already been decided even before that event occurs. The decision behind this event lies in statistics. Or simply human nature. Like, it is statistically likely to happen, even though it is still up to probability. And also, that the person who is in power to decide, has already made the decision independently before the event, so it is like the event never happened at all. And yet, if I count on this probability and let my guard down, it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy of failures. In this driving school owned by the SGX listed (literally the only thing that is possibly unique that I know about this company because I fucking stalk their stocks, so I say this to not say the name though it is obvious) taxi company, the driving test passing rate is some 50++%. Which means that out of ev

24/06/19 The famous quotation “to be or not to be” actually came from Hamlet . Most people wouldn’t wonder, or at least, I never did. Where such famous quotes came from. And of course, many a times, these come from Shakespeare. Inventing so many words does give a certain degree of literary justice and liberty to invent sayings as well. III.1         The ghost appears and disappear. What gives it the right ??? And also, initially I would be surprised that Horatio, the friend of nobility, and hence a high rank, would become a sentry for a night. But it is to talk to ghosts. I don’t know if that makes it better or worse. And the next day Prince Hamlet in the flesh will be appearing for that purpose. Completed Hamlet has a lot of familiar elements which all turn out to be from Hamlet. For example, the tale of a king’s brother killing the king by pouring poison into his ear, in order to usurp the throne. And then this new king freaking out and becoming all rage when a stage

24/06/19 Remember those 2 nightmares I had in succession regarding being late for something? Well it gets worse. The third night was another similar nightmare to the previous night. I dreamt that for one of my driving lessons, I think it was the autocar lesson, I wasn’t treating it seriously, like tardiness and all, and I was scolded quite a bit, I guess. and maybe I underestimated the difficulty of driving an autocar. And then on the fourth night, I dreamt that it was finally the driving test. And I barely passed. But ended up failing because I forgot to give my IC to the tester at the end and broke some rule or something. But the actual real-life procedures are not like that so I don’t know where this dream came from. And ends up failing but luckily, I was quite chill about it. cos normally in my dreams something will happen and I will panic and cry. And shout and people will like ignore me and stuff. So, three days in a row about disasters relating to me learning how to dr

19/06/19 this is likely drafted sometime in early March or February of 2019 To think that I should forever be haunted by the knowledge that everything I have learnt in 12 years of education is useless and will remain useless. It's a wonder that barely three months has passed since the last exam and I have already forgotten almost everything I learnt. That's probably for the better the earlier I forget the traumatic experience. All that remains is the vague memory of the notes I once wrote, the words that were once so important to us. The fuzzy memories surprise me of the fact that I once remembered all this in such clarity and detail such as to be able to score an A. I was just looking at a bunch of shampoo bottles in a shop. Herbal Essences to be exact, one of those dodgy SLS paraben silicone filled shit. And I was just thinking about how it should better be called Petrol Essences as suggested by a blog post I once read. And I started extrapolating into how with fracking

19/06/19 The SGX listed (because vertical supply chain and economies of scale) Taxi Company that runs the (probably biggest) Driving School in Singapore probably has wholesale purchase rights of Toyota Vios cars. Both the Manual transmissions and the Automatic Transmission models. Grandpa says that they chose this car model because it is the cheapest sushi car in Singapore. Indeed, I think so too. And I also note that many private driving instructors have similarly priced cars. Even though COE in Singapore makes owning a car prohibitively expensive for the average person. But there’s expensive and then there’s expensive-r. And cheap cars are less valuable and less saddening when they get into accidents due to little kids and rash abnns not checking their blindspots. And also, the ever so frequent up-kerb. So, the sequence the Toyota Vios undergoes: first it up-kerb. Then it enlarges to become a slope. And then finally the whole car up-lorry. But never mind right. Lol. And at the

12/06/19 So, when you have two eerily similar dreams in two consecutive days you have better believe that your subconscious is trying to tell you something. Or maybe it is the above average consumption of alcohol these few days. Or the abnormally high amount of milk I have been drinking these few weeks. Or the large serving of caffeine a few days prior. And likely the interaction of these three neuroactive substances. And also having to wear a mouthguard to sleep so I don’t chew my teeth out any more than they already are chewed out. And when you have a bunch of behavioural and dietary shocks nightmares tend to occur. Monday morning of 10 th June 2019 I woke up feeling so desperate that I was gonna be late. In fact, I was already late. I had awoken from a very realistic dream. I had two school related events to attend. And truth be told, I do not feel like attending those events. One was a Prom/Graduation Night and the other was an Awards Ceremony. Both events were in the even