AY2023/24 Semester 1 Module Ramblings
11/12/23
Didn’t you say that talking to only a grand total of 1 person for 2 entire years has caused you to develop codependency? But if im gonna develop codependency anyway, why shouldn’t I lean in completely to this fate of mine? Amor fati.
And everyone is gone. Everyone is gone. JS is somewhere, with a new name. Shes somewhere near but unreachable. Oh how I’d give just to catch a glimpse of her silhouette, of her backview.
Prelude in: How The Semester Started
The holy roman empire was neither holy nor roman nor an empire.
Starting week 1 with 34 MCs is wild. Like, I know I plan to drop some, and i never intended to do 34 MCs, but its still hella wild and makes for some good screenshots. (what am i even trying to prove…) Why would anyone do this, even if its completely with a plan to drop most / a few of them. And is done with the purposes of tutorial slot optimising, in order to force them to give me an optimal tutorial slot. Like, who hurt you, babygirl?
Post Week 4 Reflections
Just for those that are still around at this time...unnamed.
Mod 1 - Not much to reflect on since I haven’t even done much for it.
Mod 2 - Well, you thought his social anxiety was bad online. Well, it’s worse in person. But it seems like he was originally ok?
Mod 3 - Added this cos I can? Seems pretty chill. Not really. FK. I HAVE A 20% TEST TOMORROW.
Mod 4 - For reals tho had a test earlier this week and I can say this is the first time I have walked out of a test knowing that I probably got almost all correct. I mean I didn’t really walk out of anywhere cos the test was 8 minutes and we had class afterwards. And this is groundbreaking because i never ever walk out of a test feeling confident.
Mod 5 - Its starting to give me the fkin creeps fr. Ok i appreciate diversity, especially since the topic of this class. But when we have <redacted> talking most of the time in class its kinda weird. And that <redacted> of <redacted> who had a lot of questions. Its literally like 4 people arguing wtf. Calm ur <redacted, a bad word> dudes. Also someone saying “if i were a <redacted>” to make a point. Like, you arent, so you don’t understand them. Don’t try to put words into the mouths of people you have no way of understanding. Speak from your own perspective.
Mod 6 - I don’t really vibe with his laissez faire discussion style? Like, I was warned, but it still kinds caught me off guard.
Predicted Grade: B / B+
Actual Grade: B+
I…thank the spirits living inside github. They tanked this for me fr. Honestly couldn’t have done it without them. Getting full marks for the assignments…well lets not count my eggs before they hatch. Later i get flagged for <redacted> or something. But really i understood nothing.
The night before the final exam i had 0 sleep at all. I don’t know whether it is because this is the last exam (not the last test, but probably the last exam if i don’t choose to take unnecessary CS mods to torture myself), or because of some other reason maybe stress. But i finished the 2 hour paper in 1.5 hours.
Did barely above average for midterm, and full marks for the assignments. Finals was a fever dream so I don’t really know.
Predicted Grade: A+
Actual Grade: A+
This feels like a mashup of the logic mod and the intro to philo of science mods both of which the same prof teaches.
I showed Denji one of the prof’s longer emails…Denji kinda mocked him, saying that he isnt an effective reasoner because he cant communicate well. But in his defense, I think Denji’s wrong here. Like, being good or bad at communication has no correlation with one’s reasoning skills. Tbh i think he’s probably neurospicy like me. I do believe that he is not qualified to teach effective communication tho, but logic / effective reasoning is perfectly fine.
We get lots of examples using religious arguments. Perhaps some of it is because of the textbook, maybe the textbook uses a lot of examples from philo of religion. Also maybe it is the nature of the subject, using informal logic is useful when talking about arguments you might encounter everyday, like when someone comes to proslytise to you. But i suspect it might have to do with prof being a theist. Ever since i heard someone making that claim, i cant unhear it.
Predicted Grade: A+
Actual Grade: A+
THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY USEFUL MOD TO TAKE IN MY FIRST SEMESTER wtf. The content itself is a mix of overly jargon-y theory and common sense and some tear-jerking, but the skills that one might learn, THO. The prof is really nice (John Watkins i think was his name, but im not too sure), like he times his assessments so that they are not during the high weeks. And he makes the assessments not cumulative. (though that was kinda a lie, i felt like the final used some content from the second assessment, but its small enough to forgive.) he gives reading guides for the readings. He did kinda a spiel on how to manage stress, how to read academic articles…like, this would have been useful if i were a year 1!
Predicted Grade: A / A+
Actual Grade: A+
Uhhh…this is another mod that i should have totally taken in my first semester fml. Like, it may be high effort, but the effort is commensurate with the grade, in the sense that it is totally mug-able. The start of the semester I downloaded Duolingo because the self-assessment / survey said that if you have completed one or two units / sections (?) of duolingo you would not be an absolute beginner, and hence would possibly not be eligible to take the first level module without a placement test. Or someone said that they completed some sections of Duolingo and managed to place into the level 2 class. And I was like, hmm I wonder if I can speedrun the whole Duolingo course in one week to prep? Only to find out that I had actually used this app before, like wayyy back in 2016 or something. (I checked and it was actually Nov 2015.) Of course me being myself i didn’t get much progress in learning German. And then I also remembered that back in like 2019 someone who shall not be named (Mic) asked me to self-study German with her? (I wonder how’s she doing now.) (Also, fk her.) So learning German is something that i have tried and failed multiple times since the time when I first started watching Hetalia and got inspired to do so. And well since I only started LAG1201 in my final year, I would only get to A1 by the end of my degree, if i so manage to graduate. And I’m not sure if i will actually continue learning German once i graduate… so perhaps this is just another start of a series of failed attempts to learn a language. But i currently have a 292 day streak on duolingo (as of 30/05/24), for what its worth.
I should have totally taken this module in Year 1 so that i could have continued with the higher levels while in NUS (there are a total of 8 levels). But as to why I chose to do this now…perhaps it is because I wanted to read Nietzsche in the original? And like i havent done enough (continental) philosophy in my earlier years (in fact, none at all, in year 1) to have such a thought earlier. So it couldnt possibly have happened any other way. (And another reason why i chose to learn german of all languages is cos of Shingeki no Kyojin soundtracks. But shhhhh no one tell.) And perhaps a good thing that came out of learning a language as a beginner in my final year is that i actually have time to study. Like, i cant imagine spending so much time on one (non-core!) subject in my earlier years. (I tracked my studdying time, and it turns out that i spent the most time on this module. Though this might be intentional.) Like, imagine the stress of learning a new language, together with being year 4 and having Denji threatening to “break-up” as a project groupmate (and ensuing tears), or being year 4 and becoming sewerslidal because of a tutoring job, or being year 3 and crying while fixing a whole ahh static program analyser 12 hours before submission, or being year 3 and making sashimi of myself because of ahhhole groupmates, or being year 1 and getting drunk every night / every other night because i was away from home and i can, and also because is1103 and mic being an ahhhole.
All this is a sidetrack, but just to say that i might only have enjoyed this class because i had the time to study, because i was in my final year. But abit regrets because i would have really liked to do the higher level modules. But also perhaps they might have gotten too difficult and i might have given up. Who knows. Taking classes outside of school is expensive, that’s for sure.
Predicted Grade: A+
Actual Grade: A
Well, that’s a bit of a surprise :’’)
The demographics of the class wasn’t a surprise. Neither was the class experience of how often people participated. There were a couple of transmasc people in class who were “out”. And like I kinda want to be “out” too? But i cringe at myself when i think about introducing myself. Being perceived as a woman? No thanks. Being perceived as a man? Nah. Being perceived as NB? I mean that’s how i feel??? So if what people perceived actually matched how i feel maybe there will be less incongruence? But the problem is i simply do not wish to be perceived. (But at the same time i want attention, so much attention. I have nightmares about becoming invisible / mute and being unable to get people to hear me.) I can’t possibly not cringe when intriducing myself with my pronouns. I don’t know how to. Sometimes i cant even say my name. “Hi, I’m Gilbert, and one interesting fact about me is that … actually there are no interesting facts about me because I’m quite a boring person.” The authority figure: “Maybe lets go one round first and we will get back to you later.” Me: “o-ok”. My heart is racing and I want to bury my head in the sand.
Predicted Grade: B+ / A-
Actual Grade: A
Writing this, this reminds me that i still have yet to look at prof’s comments on my final paper. (It’s been more than 6 months, as of 30/05/24) I mean, surely i didn’t do too bad… but still i cant bring myself to look at it. Because its so cringeee to read peoples comments on my work.
Zarathustra is actually a really pleasant read. (If you don’t try to understand every single line / to understand anything at all.) I recommended this book to Denji in an attempt to counter his budding interest in Buddhism, as well as to give some arguments in support of celibacy. But I don’t think Denji actually read it. And perhaps that’s for the better, because we really don’t want another bigot misinterpreting Nietzsche, look where that led to, almost a hundred years ago. And Denji works in a military adjacent job too.
And not sure if this is an unpopular opinion or what, but Nietzsche read better in the form of fiction / almost-fiction rather than essay. Reading Genealogy did not make me like his work, but reading Zarathustra did. And my favourite line in Zarathustra: “Des Mannes ist hier wenig: darum vermännlichen sich ihre Weiber. Denn nur wer Mannes genug ist, wird im Weibe das Weib—erlösen.” It is my favourite line I find I relate to it a lot, as a confused non-binary person. (I believe that) the strong should protect the weak, but instead the strong take advantage of the weak, thus I am afraid of being perceived as weak, and i don’t know if this is the reason for my being NB (it probably isnt). And i think i am completely misinterpreting Nietzsche here. I’m pretty sure he is a maxi-maxer who DOESN’T think that the strong should help the weak, and that they ought to fluorish on their own instead. And where women come into the picture, i think, is in terms of rizzing and attraction? Like the modern spiritual thing about how divine masculinity brings out the divine feminine in women. I don’t know.
(Before results:) Its kinda early to say, because i havent got back results and i don’t know how bad / good it will be, but i kinda feel like a smurf! I know im not the only Year 5 who’s out here doing 1k mods / doing an excess of them. I mean i kinda have to, cos i havent cleared my requirements. Depressed-<redacted>’s doing like HSS1000 as a UE just to torture herself or something.
(After results, 31/05/24:) yea just abit. Also i wrote the rambles for the first 3 modules before results, and the next 3 were 6 gdfk months later.
Comments
Post a Comment