disillusioningillusion

06/05/23   23/06/22 Comp-sci. Algo Trading. It wouldn’t be far fetched to say that my desire to do the latter was the reason for my doing the former. A long time ago i got infatuated with the stock market and opened a brokerage account. And a few months later I decided that as long as I can spend every night day trading in the library in my first two years of college, by the time i was a Junior, i will have managed to compound my money enough to buy a decent used car. For reference here are a list of my declared specializations for the past 6 going on 7 semesters, to the best of my memory. My memory is, as always, fuzzy. Y1S1 – AI and Graphics/Games Y1S2 – AI and Graphics/Games Y2S1 – AI and Algo/Theory Y2S2 – Security and Algo/Theory Y3S1 – DB and Security Y3S2 – DB and Networks Y4S1 – SWE and DB (The other three that have never been part of my list are Programming Languages, Multimedia Information Retrieval, and Parallel Computing. But even now i think i am

06/05/23   09/04/23 If the damage isn’t useful then it wasn’t good damage. But just because it wasn’t good damage does that make it bad damage? I don’t know. The other day I thought I was about to trigger another bout of NSSI. Cos in 2020 that started with punching a tree. Then my fingers might have been broken. It was painful for over 6 weeks. But anyway before 6 weeks were over, I noticed that that was my “brand” of NSSI. But that cant be, because I will injure my bones, and my bones are important to me. Within a month of that incident I started on the blade. And I am afraid that this time again I will go down that path. But…I feel more stable now. So, I don’t think I will. An aside: in 2018 I used twigs and branches to SH. Though it wasn’t too successful because I was a coward. But the moral of the story is: me and trees arent meant to be. Also I love throwing knives at trees. June, oh June. I miss you, June Scarlet. And my addictive personality NSSI-ish thing of this pa

06/05/23   6/2/23 Or not really. Nelsonizing would be if you don’t do shit and only give random characters for code that doesn’t work at all when threatened with $4000. But theres other ways to give half arsed work, like risking being expelled. Bruh I don’t wanna have to pay like 14k. Because plagiarism’s a bitch. Like the other 5 people back then, Nelson included, who treated the reference solution like the holy grail/gospel. Or maybe they didn’t understand it and didn’t bother understanding it. But its so obvious a carbon copy, if a human so much as compared it side by side. But luckily it was autograded mostly. And the human grader was pretty dumb methinks. And someone dug a hole for themselves by being a loudmouth. And somehow the ball is in my court to not be a complete asshole. So I have to agree to whatever proposal it is. And it really do be FUCKING VIOLATING MY BOUNDARIES when people are already planning for my wedding and inviting people to my wedding when I specifi