Fire

 230622 0058h (last edited: 210322 1748h)

I wish to see the world burn down.

But like, figuratively. Not literally. The plants and animals did nothing wrong.

Ok maybe some of them did. Like the cats that cuddled with her, sleeping with evil.

But cats are generally innocent too.

The humans are the ones who are fully at fault.

Perhaps not those with intellectual disabilities.

But of them, those who smiled at the enemy are wrong too.

But the majority of people deserve to burn.

Perhaps including me.

To go out with a spark.

I once proposed that the best, i.e., the least embarrassing way to go out would be auto-cremation. Which is setting fire to yourself. Because all that will be left is a bunch of unidentifiable bones, and no one will know how pathetic you were, to have committed suicide.

But why would someone who has lost all consciousness care about being embarrassed?

For this, i have no answer. But it is what kept me alive for so long.

I cannot stand the mortification of my body being discovered.

Cracked, bleeding, stripped, poked, and prodded for signs of foul play.

Who is to blame?

Society as a whole. They killed me.

But now i no longer worship auto-cremation as a method. It is too painful. Of course, unless you can pre-inject yourself with propofol and engineer some explosion to go off.

But an overdose would be easy.

I now care less about the embarrassment, and care more about the pleasurable sensations as my body is taken over by the pills.

Opiates and benzos and some alky to wash it down.

Chef’s kiss.

Even if you foam at your mouth as you are found, dead, cold and stiff on the ground.

Will he hold my hand, or will i be pale enough to be hugged like porcelain as he regurgitates all his food from the past 24 hours, desecrating my corpse.

So auto-cremation sucks.

But that being said, i still wish to watch the world burn down.

Spread some fuel, strike a match, and it will go out in flames.

As we watch from the International Space Station,

Fingers intertwined.

Maybe you don’t want to watch the world burn.

But I promise, I will make it a beautiful movie,

Remember to bring some tea leaves and coffee beans,

We’ll make s’mores too.

And we’ll cuddle and stare into each others’ eyes as the fire roars.

But we can’t hear it, we’re at the ISS after all.