disillusioningillusion

  CS3203 Software Engineering Project Expected Grade: B / B+ Actual Grade: B Rating: 1/5                      It made me cry (multiple times) but because of the supportive people around me I did not end up yeeting. Everything is useless. Class, teammates...etc. Three of us could probably complete a 6-person project because that’s how useless everyone else is. No one knows how to think of an algorithm. Everyone’s just concerned with copying code to a tee. I won’t even be surprised to get an F because of how fucked the plagiarism score would be if they actually checked. And the requirements are fucking all over the place and we only learnt of one of the requirements after the project was submitted because of how unclear and hard to find they were. Post Results: Terrible. It’s simply terrible. The structure and organization of the module is terrible, and the grouping is terrible, and my groupmates are terrible and so am I. Everything is shit. CS3223 Database Systems Implemen

 230622 0101h 25/02/22 I think that i am mediocre. I also think that my boyf hates me. Perhaps “hate” is a strong word. That it will end soon because he has realized how much of a self-centered bitch i am. A word i once used was “unimpressive” and i think it made someone wanna laugh. Other words are unassuming and…kitsch. Which means basic, but i think i am hardly basic if i barely go out of the vase of being a wallflower. Anyway, back to mediocrity. Some things that I do make me seem like a complete doofus. And yet some things that i do manage to fool some people into believing that that i am in any way capable. People that know me try to reassure me that I am not above average. I am godlike. Well i don’t buy that BS. I don’t know whats my end-goal. It wont be pretty since im below average.   03/03/22 My boyf doesn’t hate me. But my mom thinks he soon will, if I keep being a homebody. Maybe he does. The gears on the clock keep spinning, closer, closer, and closer t

 230622 0058h (last edited: 210322 1748h) I wish to see the world burn down. But like, figuratively. Not literally. The plants and animals did nothing wrong. Ok maybe some of them did. Like the cats that cuddled with her, sleeping with evil. But cats are generally innocent too. The humans are the ones who are fully at fault. Perhaps not those with intellectual disabilities. But of them, those who smiled at the enemy are wrong too. But the majority of people deserve to burn. Perhaps including me. To go out with a spark. I once proposed that the best, i.e., the least embarrassing way to go out would be auto-cremation. Which is setting fire to yourself. Because all that will be left is a bunch of unidentifiable bones, and no one will know how pathetic you were, to have committed suicide. But why would someone who has lost all consciousness care about being embarrassed? For this, i have no answer. But it is what kept me alive for so long. I cannot stand the mort