A Pleasant Surprise, Maybe

10/11/21

My seminars for this semester are over, I think. I am pleasantly surprised at how enjoyable they were. Fun af. I mean, I surely hated feeling like an autistic kid in a sea of adults at a ballroom because of my ineptitude at communicating with people outside of a classroom setting. Even people’s accents left me feeling like, whot is going on????? Am I in fucking America? And their way of talking made me feel like a fucking baby lol. But yea I got to be kinda a “class clown moments” by participating in class. I am not sure if I might have gone overboard.

I mean, I thought Diogenes-style “behold a man” jokes were expected, not a literal description of REDACTED. I didn’t spend an entire essay talking about cats now, but I did went a little over with my desire to climb Mount Everest. Yea I’m not sure if making puns about Kant is appropriate. Anyway, I wanna title my next essay something like “Consider the Kantsequences” or something. Or maybe I might try to find some way to weave in Mr IQ-69. But yea I think that’d be grossly inappropriate because I keep forgetting that Ethical Theory is different from Applied Ethics. And tbf I should maybe stop think in “applied” ways for a more abstract and theoretical class? I don’t even know what im saying.

I don’t know if I came across as a class participation whore. Because that is how I thought, and still do think, of people who participate excessively. Mainly because they were speaking too fast and I did not have a chance to speak and my anxiety was bubbling. I don’t know if anyone felt like that because of me. I know the anxiety was better than last semester. And definitely better than Y2S1. I mean, maybe antidepressants make you care less or something but I did not start yeeting in the middle of class and literally being baked af in front of the camera because the feeling of icy blade on my skin gave me such a dopamine hit. Also because some classes were physical. But yea saying stupid things in the middle of class is a new for me. And I think it kinda does a good thing for my confidence?

And yea I was very much able to see the connections between previous classes that I have taken. It is a nice feeling. I don’t know, I am a fucking nerd. You can take the nerd out of geek-world but you can’t take the nerd out of her.

Well definitely no regrets starting on this DDP thing. Though I seem to fall behind serverely for CS. But classes have become fun and I actually look forward to them because of the content, and not just because I can tcss with my friend after class. Though now I have no friends. My CAP will tank, but its not at all like I can’t afford it or anything. I literally need to get a 3 average to start risking my NMS and 2.5 average to start risking my DDP. And I think to fail that badly will take literal work.

So 3k seminars are fun. Well I shouldn’t have dropped that class back in Y2S2 then. I am pretty sure it would have been fun too. But I def wasn’t in the right headspace so theres that.

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