Brains, Wherefore Art Thou

 02/10/21

I seem to have forgotten that I am, first and foremost, a CS student.

I…am not human. I am an essay writing machine. Or at least, that is what this semester is making me feel like. FAS1101 and 3 philosophy modules is slowly morphing me from the kinda-person-not-really-but-perhaps-at-least-a-bit-human into a machine that churns out essays. While talking to myself. Well damn, brains got hands. Fighting myself.

And a gaming addiction. To mobile games by…Supercell, HitGrab, and a guy called Orteil.

And between these and being kinda depressed perhaps might of ADHD, theres no time for coding. SQL is Greek to me. Java…I was gonna say its like French but I guess a more accurate comparison would be Chinese. But that’s only because NUS is a Java Factory and I’ve been tortured by Java thoroughly in the past. And so, I dropped one of my CS mods during recess week. Partly because the guy who I have yet to name here, but who held my hand once, suggested that we could take it together during Y4S2. But mainly because I mis-judged the assignment deadline and am extremely overwhelmed and stressed and burnt out.

And computer science has lost it’s luster. Writing essays is painful, that I gotta admit. But it is certainly not worse than studying for a CS midterm when the programming language and diagrams are literally Greek to me. And I much rather write that essay that seems kinda frivolous, than learn SQL.

But I gotta finish this. Somehow. Because CS is my primary degree. And even if I were to drop the DDP I’d end up back in CS. So, I shall not. I think it might work out. With some tanking of my CAP. But I can tank it. My calculations have proven so.

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