More daddy issues. Also, alcoholism. V*pes.

So this Deepavali fell on a Sunday, and the following Monday was a public holiday in lieu. I had three fucking submissions due on that day, mind you. XX is a Bitch. Or rather, I shouldn’t be blaming XX, since two of the submissions were for an Introductory Biology module. Anyways, it was a Monday, and two thirds of the way into the day, with a mere 8 hours left to the dreaded 2359, it was made known to me that I would have to attend a dinner event. It was a Clan Association thing. And I wouldn’t bother with events, except that by going I would receive $300 for some academic award, and there was WINE. Mind you, wine. And so I went. I delayed going out of the house for ass long as possible, and was a bit late as a result.

And so the dinner began, and me and my siblings went on stage for the awards. My family, sat at a table with another portly middle aged man, who was receiving the award on behalf of his son who had exams the next day. So and no one else. The table was only half filled, out of a maximum seating capacity of 10 pax.

This man sat next to my dad, and somehow the conversation turned to this man’s son, who was currently a Senior at ACS, which was a boys’ school. And this man was talking about how this “non-binary” thing nowadays is too much and his son cant stand it sometimes. And he gave the example of guys doing “gay things” with each other in jest. I was sitting across the table from them. And it was so difficult for me to restrain my tongue. Because gender has nothing to do with sexuality, and besides, who were they to judge other’s sexuality? And my dad started saying, how in co-ed schools theres the issue of boy-girl-relationships, whereas in single-sex schools, they have not the other gender, and there will hence be same sex relationships.

And while on the topic of things being too much in the 21^st century 2019, someone mentioned the “vape”. Some context: vaping is illegal in singapore, and the government pushes the agenda that vaping is extremely bad for health. And I think my dad then said that vaping is even worse than smoking because of all the diseases or something. And I do believe that that is propaganda nonsense, about restricting freedom. Because, regardless of whether smoking or vaping is worse, truth is that traditional cigarettes stink up the whole place around a smoker. Whereas vape smoke is not half as stinky.

And also because I have tried a v*pe before, and enjoyed it. This is another thing that I can never let my parents know. Because I will be so completely wrecked. Like, omg rekt. I mean, I only tried it once, and I was very drunk then. I don’t know if I would have dared to try it if I were sober tho. And so, this is something that me and my dad would disagree over. Because there is no definitive science that vapes are worse than traditional cigarettes, so, dad if you ever read this, it is all just an opinion of yours. Not fact. Neither is mine.

Next, another reason that my dad has lost a large proportion of credibility in my eyes is this. I don’t know if he said this on purpose to prove a point/intimidate me or something. (and this is something I should not be writing, because family privacy right?) anyways, just this week we got the news that my cousin, on my fathers side of the family, was hospitalized. He had something like 3 seizures in 24 hours and it was a medical emergency or something. And we only knew because his sister, my another cousin, posted on Instagram that she was hanging out in the hospital and I got curious and asked. And my dad came to know about this issue with my cousin.

My mum remarked that dad should make a phone call to his brother to show concern for my cousin. My dad called my uncle (his brother) and told him that this health issue with my cousin was due to them not going to the temple enough times. And he went on about how, previously my dad’s friend, who was a spirit medium for Guan Yin (Goddess of Mercy) had told them that they needed to go to the temple frequently to pray, especially during Guan Yin Dan and other events, in order to “tame the kids” or something, since my cousins were pretty problematic kids. And he went on about how the kids were fine when they prayed frequently, and my cousin is having issues now because of how they didn’t pray enough.

My dad placed the phone down, and then relayed what he had said to my uncle, to me and my mom. My mom tried to explain to my dad that they did not go to the temple because the kids were busy preparing for exams. But dad was like, “if Guan Yin tells them that they need to go to the temple to pray, then they should have followed her word.” I asked my dad “so you said that <cousin’s name> is sick because he did not go to pray?” And when my dad concurred, I believe I just said “wow” and straight out gawked at him. Because that was such an insensitive and unempathetic thing to say, and it is plain religious bigotry. Forget for a moment how little I care about religion. But even if I were religious, I would never say something like that…

Hence that is another thing that I cannot agree with my dad about.

Next thing I need to rant about is complaining about how I am becoming an alcoholic, or likely already one. I think I have addictive personality disorder. Or maybe even bipolar. What with how I often get so excited and obsessed about something that I want to do it all the time. Last Friday I had a bad result on an exam/quiz, and then had a bad experience with being unable to get a queue into a haunted houses Halloween event. I was really sad and cranky that day. I went back to my dorm, poured a cup of beer, followed by (straight) gin with infused chrysanthemums, followed by a cup of cider. I was moderately drunk that night. Also I drink way too much. And I drink on my own. I mean, other people who actually stay in like Halls have a reason to drink, and not be called alcoholics. Because they drink with other people, and drinking is a social activity. However for me, I do not live in a Hall, but in a mere dormitory/hostel/simply a place to stay near the school without any social interaction. Yesterday, or the night after that public holiday night, I drank again. A cider and a few shots of that chrysanthemum gin thing, with the last of my biology-lab-homebrewed beer.

Also, I cant stop thinking about alcohol. The past few days, I have spent the whole day on my phone just looking at online shopping alcohol, without actually buying, because I don’t think my parents will approve of me buying alcohol. I want soju. Flavoured soju. That delightfully fruity drink. I really miss it, it was the highlight of my summer. Literally soju. The first time I drank soju it was so nice, it was grapefruit juice, not alcohol. Also known as Korean vodka. I am envious of the Frat/Hall kids who get to drink with their housemates. Because it is fun to drink with people. It isn’t fun alone. Alone, I drink merely to try to numb the pain. And they get to club and jump around and rave to edm and drink soju. Whereas I am just sad. Sad. All the time.