disillusioningillusion

30/11/22 "I know not, whether the reader will readily apprehend this reasoning. I am afraid, that, should I multiply words about it, or throw it into a greater variety of lights, it would only become more obscure and intricate. In all abstract reasonings, there is one point of view, which, if we can happily hit, we shall go farther towards illustrating the subject, than by all the eloquence and copious expression in the world."

16/11/22 Recurrence. As in, Recurrence Relations. But also, as in, Eternal Recurrence. And to that I say, my brain is about as smooth as chicken breast now! So was sir-eternal-recurrence who died of a softening of the brain. I actually have nothing to say about the latter, ‘01e. But this is the only thing that I have not mentioned and insofar as mentioned, butchered. So heres me, module code butchering. As of today, 09/11/22, my x mod 6 = 1 is done. Why do I say “my” so endearingly, as if I am sure that they do not totally want me dead or something? And if they do, I might get expelled. Actually no. I still have things to do. So……did I “regain my personhood” as I had hoped to do at the start? I mean…, this is an ok time to ask, after all, all the interaction part is over already. I don’t know. I think? Maybe? Is Nietzsche a proto-Nazi? My head is a mess and I have a final like tomorrow. I think I might want to write a Part 6, maybe after all exams are over, or maybe during ...

26/10/22 I could get used to this, honestly. The efficiency. The fish in the sea are not aplenty. But perhaps I may sacrifice myself and increase the count of fishes by 1. If only there weren’t so many couples at McDonalds. That I may eat my McFlurry alone in peace. Custom of Habit. I need to learn not to watch YouTube on my phone while eating. I mean, maybe it’s not so bad. After all, I do that when I’m at home too. So, well, quit being a fucking baby.   26/10/22 – an ungodly hour (12:34 am) Regaining my personhood. The act of becoming. Sartre’s radical freedom. Kierkegaard’s repetition. My self-positing individual comes to know itself as itself, but not just a small individual but the absolute. And maybe the real but then I gotta get some LSD and I’m not the most resourceful of people. So. When I first chose to do XXXX again, I had thought of doing it for a while. But not like “making plans” or “deciding”. I am not that kind of person. More like “imagini...

011022 Everyone, meaning every human, has a right to live. But does every human have the right to be treated like a human? Is this right a privilege of being human, granted by virtue of being human, or does it need to be earned? And if so, how does one earn this right? Two people can speak the same words and with the same tone and attitude. Yet the emotion it evokes in my mind is totally different. The one who has clearly earned the right of being treated like a human (Person A), I listen and appreciate what they have to say. The one who has not earned the right to be human (Person B), I listen with annoyance. People say that familiarity breeds contempt. Is this what’s at play here? I think there’s more to it than that. Person A has proven themselves to be useful by carrying a large part of our group project. And also, because they are like a mentor that is more useful than our actual mentor. A teacher that teaches better than our actual teacher. Though sounding like a fucking sh...