disillusioningillusion

 23/03/21 0221h For the SH. I have written about this perhaps a million times already. But I want to try to find the real reason I started. I don’t know who was it who “influenced” me to SH. (Well I know who introduced me. But that’s beside the point.) I saw a post where I wrote about someone, perhaps Eve, SH-ing and saying how I don’t do it and how I wanted to protect them (Mental Health in the Middle of Hell Week) back in 2019. I also wrote about how retrospectively, I saw signs that I would eventually turn into a gross skin-ripper from when I was 17 or even 13. (Lord only, could have predicted this) But I don’t think I have mentioned why it is the way it is today. Or I may have given too much weight to alcohol, when the magic sauce was just a tool. So here goes the nothing-ass reasons. 1.       JL. Usually when I think of my SH I try not to think of JL as a cause. Because I am kinda grateful to her in the moment? Grateful even for reminding me that it was a thing.

 22/03/12 0140h Sashimi you love interviews. You have grown up. From someone who would shiver and cry before an interview because you are so scared of talking to people. To someone who did not care about anything at all and just went for interviews for the sake of going, instead of because you wanted something. Now, you go for interviews because you want to get that job. Getting an interview is good because it means that you are making progress. And you want to go for interviews. Well, you still suck at answering questions. And you still haven’t get your motivation and sleep sorted out. You wake up 10 minutes before the interview, roll out of bed, and are grateful that you didn’t wake up 10 minutes late instead. You give a one liner introduction with only your name. You will likely panic before this next one because its literally a make or break. You need to give a good impression and get this shit or you will literally die. But you have grown. That Primary 6 kid who didn