disillusioningillusion

 23/10/20 Dissociative Identity Disorder. Its not my place to say anything about it. But there are people out there claiming to be a DID system or, 5, 6, 7, however many there are. Calling each other Host. Referring to themselves as We. And yet when push comes to shove thy use “I” instead of “We”. I must admit that there is some merit in embracing it as DID, and acknowledging that sometimes, you are not yourself. You cannot control the things you do, and you cannot remember what you did. However, how much of this is just trying to be a special snowflake? Personally, I as a host will not want to have so many people inhibiting my body. I would not go as far as to allow them to give themselves names. Its “Me”, and “Not Me”. A dichotomy. There is sane / sober / rational me. And then there’s crazy fuck me who is out of control and wants to destroy its host, me. It is a nameless ghost. Perhaps that is trivializing it. Only in the sense that we are bringing spirituality into this disc

 16/10/20 The Principle of Credulity is the idea ­ that any account of an experience should be treated as veridical in the absence of a defeater. This is used in defense of mystical and non-mystical religious experience, where people report sensing the divine. A veridical experience is one where the object of the experience exists in reality. in testimonies of religious experience, some people report that they feel the presence of God. Well, God is not bound by the laws of physical time and space, and hence cannot be proven to be present in the physical world by empirical methods. As such, how might one believe an experience of “sensing God” to be veridical? That’s where the Principle of Credulity comes into play. A defeater is a fact or piece of evidence which will disprove, or cast doubt on a particular experience. For example, if a drunk says that he sees a green flying rabbit back in the other room, the fact that he was under the influence of intoxicating substances like alcoh

 13/10/20 I’ve likely mentioned in passing about my self harm. Or perhaps in not so passing. I’ve written long-ass prose about how I think I’m crazy because I cut myself. But there’s something missing. The wee hours of 19 th February 2020. That was the first time I had cut myself, intentionally, with the desire to use physical pain to numb the emotional pain. As a 19-and-a-half-year-old in her first year of college. How could have guessed that someone, who was way too old to be self-harming, would start doing it? But this was not the first time I had caused self-inflicted marks on my skin. It was sometime in 2017. Around April to June. I have a Victorinox Swiss Army Knife. I took the saw tool of that beautiful knife and took it to my skin. Thrice. In the shape of a triangle. If I remember correctly, it did not draw blood. But it did leave red marks. And some superficial swelling for a few days. It hurt like a bitch. I only did it because I was curious. I wondered how it felt to