disillusioningillusion

 25/08/22   Sapere aude. For whom is education for? Conventionally we say that education is for the next generation. For them to learn. But perhaps teaching is also for the teacher. It takes a lot of bravery. Sashimi-san has lost her personhood. She does not dare. Sapere aude. She hides from the truth because it is painful. Is this just an attempt to regain her personhood? To do things just to prove that she is still human. To prove that she is not just a coward. She is afraid even of Visual Studio because it seems like it might threaten to crash a PC. People be interning in China, at Google, Shopee, going on exchange in the US of A, learning Thai, solo backpacking in Serbia, and I know I am not ready. At 18 I used to go around telling people that each person lives life at their own pace. Or perhaps I said that in my head to them, while listening to their troubles. Everyone’s life is their own journey. (But y’know theres an age limit to migrate to australia. But tha

 25/08/22 The long con cannot be worth it. From whom can one derive the pleasure of misfortune? Kin, kith, and your lover. Why would you even? Mother is afraid of death. The classic trolley problem, a thought experiment where one justifies sacrificing one to save five. These weird utilitarians keep trying to justify murder. Me? I’d just sleep. And then the problem goes, what if its someone you know? What if it’s the president? What if it’s a cancer researcher? What if its Taylor Swift? Suddenly the utilitarians are no longer utilitarians. What if its your mom? They justify it by saying that surely your love, your closeness to your mom has to count for something, right? Surely this outweighs whatever utility. Ok but what does mother want? Does mother want to sacrifice herself to save five? But mother is afraid of death. And I am Dazai Osamu, constantly finding ways to off myself. Mother may not want to sacrifice herself. But I, on the other hand… Perhaps in the heat of t