disillusioningillusion

30/09/19 I have been drafting a piece called “why I think I am dying”. It is not ready yet, but this is a relevant piece which will add one more reason to why I think I am dying. I have loved alcohol since I tasted it in 2012 when I was on holiday and tried some Champagne. I mean, yeah, the taste is bitter and all, but I am someone who drinks black coffee and black tea and finds it nice. I think I am the kind of person who lacks a certain taste receptor which makes me less sensitive to certain unpleasant tastes in alcohol, bitter coffee, and certain vegetables. Cos I pretty much thrive on these three things. I remember very very rarely having a sip of alcohol or two at family functions after that. And occasionally I’d sneak a sip from the open bottles. The first time I had alcohol outside of my house was I think in 2016 when I was doing some science project at a friend’s house. Or maybe we were playing. And she brought a pitcher of something that was probably kombucha or some k

30/09/19 This is a letter to my father that he should never ever read. Dear Daddy, I admire you so much, you are such an inspiration, but some things that you do I just cannot understand and I completely disagree with. Your life is perfect, and I am lucky to be born to someone so wholesome and so perfect. Your life is perfect, what more do you so desire? Say you play the lottery and you win a thousand grand. A few thousand grand. So what? You have that! you have a thousand grand. I know it. I also know the stock market is volatile, but you had it! And in a few years, maybe a couple decades you will have a paid off property worth over a thousand grand if the property market holds out. Why do you sin? Why are you addicted to the lottery? A hundreds of dollars a week. I mean, I could make better use of that money! I want the best for you and your psyche and your constant desiring for something that is based on pure luck and is a statistical impossibility is unhealthy. I ki

12/09/19 I contemplate postponing this action to two months later when all this is either solidified or has blown over. But sober me will never approve of such doings. High on adrenaline and a small percentage of ethanol, I am about to do something that I may regret for the rest of my life. Like the Witch in Into the Woods who never checked if the baker stole the beans. It cost her, her youth. And what this cost me, I do not yet know. But such unchecked wilderness cannot possibly lead to positive outcomes. X is panicky, distraught, her constituents in anarchy. By the things that Y has said. X is hurt. X appreciates Y’s point of view, that she likes her acquaintance sets to be pairwise disjoint, that the elements in such sets shall never intersect. However, this house subscribes to the theory of six degrees of separation. And furthers it to say that in our globalized and connected world, a theory of four degrees of separation may be even more appropriate. This house believes t